How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
