i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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