New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
