I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
