You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
