im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize