I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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