I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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