no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
