nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
