I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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