I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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