i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
