I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
