you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize