Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize