hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
