I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
