she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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