I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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