I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
