Pants 0. Shit 1.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
