I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
