I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
