are you still at the devil's house?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
