Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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