oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
