If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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