yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
