I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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