It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my being single is dangerous.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize