I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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