I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
