My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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