So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
