You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
