Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
