im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
