they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
