I wish i was in the wii world.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
we're so committed to being not committed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
