i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
