she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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