The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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