brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
