Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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