so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
