The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
