wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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