I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
