I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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