theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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