I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
