what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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