If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
