We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
