i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
