Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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