I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
