using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize