I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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