this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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