The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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