we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
